Learning to Love More

Sorry I have not written in some time it has been crazy busy here. I have been really just reading alot and trying to make sense of this all and have had some days of throwing a pity party. I did get to go home two weeks ago that was great Tara and i spent the night in New Orleans and it was good just to spend time together. We did have some tough times both of us when we are upset about a situation take it out on each other. It was really hard to know I didnt get to stay and I really wanted too. We did have fun with the girls and with friends. I was able to see the girls dance recital and they did so great and looked like little princesses. It just wasnt long enough. It looks like I will be here till sometime in August tara and I said I would probably not come back again until this job is over but I dont know if I can make it that long I would love for her to come out her for a weekend. We have talked about Tara trying to come out when the job is finished and drive back with me that would be awesome I would love for her to see this country.
I have been reading alot of books I am now reading Crazy love and it is great I learned that we should not even call following God a sacrifice because He paid the sacrifice for us and it is a benifit to follow Him. Also following Him may look crazy to others but there is something wrong if our life doesnt look crazy to non believers. I know this I want to please Him but its so hard because I usually want to please myself first. Its all about loving Him with our whole heart. I would do anything for Tara even give my life and I would give up anything to make her happy and show my love. If my love for a person is so great why cant my love be more for the one who created that person I dont know but I am trying to figure it out and trying to learn how to love God more.
Tara and I were able to talk alot about Ransom Cafe (Ransom Ministries) and what our next steps should be. We feel we are going to have to raise some funds to do this and also we are going to need to raise Monthly support(At first I had a problem with this but the more I read in the bible it is biblical to put the need out there and allow others to be part of it so I am getting over it) but most importantly we are going to have to raise up prayer warriors to pray through this and for us to make sure we follow Gods plan and what He wants us to do. Please pray with us that God will open doors that need to be opened, close the ones that dont and raise up people who want to be a part of this. We do feel that the calling God has given us is strong but at the same time we are scared and just want to know the whole picture. But sometimes Faith is doing what God wants even when we dont see the whole picture. I am learning that life is too short to just worry about ourselves but God calls us to love others more then ourselves and that is how I want to live and I want my children to live that way. I know I am a long way from that but I am pressing on.
We do know that some of you will not understand this calling and I understand that I dont understand it most of the time but I will ask you to pray and seek before making any decisions to its crazyness. We love you all and respect your input and we know you want what is best for us but we also know God loves us and He wants what is best for us also. He created us so He must have some idea of what will make our lives happy and fullfilled.
Loving Him
Matt